Disquieting Silence

I went to bed much too late last night, and still had to get up early to drive my son to school. I feel like I'm forgetting to do something, even though I know it's merely the decades of early morning dog walks that I'm feeling. Every jingle makes me think for a split second that it's the pup. But I know it's not. It's just something so deeply ingrained that I can't let go. It's become a part of me!

I still have a lot of cleaning to do around the house, but it's so cold and dreary that I lose any interest in doing chores once I get home. Cleaning is almost pure physical therapy. But with the change in temperatures, my skin has gone severely dry and my fingers feel cracked. I'm less motivated to clean now. The weather app is warning of a hard frost tomorrow morning, and there's a murmur of school delays due to black ice road conditions. Ugh. The universe feels off-kilter, and I'm disoriented. Or maybe, the lack of sleep is really catching up with me. The gym is more crowded today, probably mid-week guilt. The elliptical I like is in use so I clamber up the Step Mill. I haven't done this machine in several weeks.

The Step Mill also has a "heart rate" monitor built into the handles, but it behaves oddly. At first I think it doesn't work because there are no numbers on the screen where the HR should show. All the info is set into 4 columns with toggle buttons so you can scroll through each column. The first column contains Heart Rate, Calories, Metrics. I don't know what Metrics means and I don't really care. The little red light next to Heart Rate is pulsing but there's no actual number. I give up and toggle to Calories. But halfway into my 20 minutes, I toggle through all the columns and HR shows up briefly. Soooo, it'll actually give me a reading as long as I'm not actually toggled to that info panel specifically? Ugh!

I toggle through Total Steps Climbed to find number of Floors Climbed. There are more "metrics" that I don't understand so I don't worry about them. After 20 minutes, I'm very warm and pull my hoodie off. The elliptical I favor is finally free. I always wipe down before I get on a machine, especially since I've seen this guy use equipment before. He leans all over the console and never wipes anything down. Yuck.

I think Program 2 is technically harder than Program 1, and I'm only doing 20 minutes instead of 30. However, my heart rate is much lower than when I did Program 1 on Monday, as if doing the Step Mill first has primed it for more cardio exercise. Weird, right? I'm definitely sore from yesterday, and the day before. So I'm not going to bench press. But I will work shoulders, first with the band stretches and baby bell raises, then with the dreaded DB Shoulder Press. My right shoulder twinges slightly, but I'm using such light weights (only 10 lbs!) that I can ignore the discomfort. I don't push my luck though, and only up the weights when I switch to the Lateral Raises and Reverse Flyes.

I finish with core, because I didn't do any yesterday, even though I'm still sore from Monday. I know women (overheard them in the locker room) talk about how they don't work out until they're not sore anymore. Uh, no wonder they don't get anywhere in their training! Instead of going home, I go to Kmart because my son needs an additional piece for his Halloween costume. While I'm there, I take my time to browse through the pajamas, underwear and other clothes. My problem is that I have these pretty tropical print palazzo pants, and nothing to wear with it. As in, no shirts, blouses or tops of any variation that will complement the pants. And I had planned to wear the pants to at least one or two Holiday events later this year. Long-sleeve Ts and flannel shirts are more my style.

Reluctantly, I browse through the Juniors Dept where everything looks trashy and trampy and cheap,  only to find myself in the Old Ladies Dept. Yep, if you're looking at labels that say Jaclyn Smith (aka Charlies Angels ca 1976), then you're an old lady. I see two tops I actually think look nice. Now I know I'm old! What I'm doing is the ill-advised Purchase Therapy, where you buy things to cheer yourself up when you feel sad. There's a real danger in becoming addicted to such behavior, leading to Hoarding and financial ruin. Seriously. But I buy the two tops because they'll both go with the pants in an eclectic way. When I get home, part of me expects to hear panting and happy whining. And the rest of me knows that there's no one to greet me anymore.

Disoriented Wednesday

20 StepMill
Level 3
Floor 47
Steps 760
Calories 119
HR? 123? (137)

20 min elliptical
Program 2
Calories 180
Miles 163
HR 146-167

Mid Band Pulls 15
High Band Pulls 15

T, Y & I Raises
3lbs x 15
5lbs x 15

DB Shoulder Press
10 lbs x 12 reps x 3 sets
(Slight right shoulder twinge)

DB Laterals s/s Rev Incl Flyes
10lbs x 12/15reps
15 x 12/15 x 3sets

Elbow Plank 60s
Side Planks 2 x 60s
Bird Dogs 2 x 60s
Crunches 30/20
Bicycles 50

Stretch