I woke up this morning to disgruntled toes. They seemed more crooked than usual, perhaps in response to my latest efforts to massage and stretch the tightened tendons that are causing several of them to curl up like little piano hammers, aka hammertoes. Popular stretches never include pointing your toes or curling them toward the sole. Instead, most of us are concerned with tight hamstrings and Achilles' tendons.
A fear (of Charley horses) has us pointing our heels and flexing our foot towards our shin, just the opposite of what's needed for hammertoes. When I bend my toes backward I feel extreme tightness at the top of my foot. Massaging the metatarsals causes an odd sensation along the inside of my foot, exactly where the medial plantar nerve runs. The foot also feels a little bruised today, especially at the top of the ankle. It's an odd place to feel anything. The toe itself is healing nicely although it's looking as if it were in a fight. And lost.
Today I'm wearing my size 6.5 W New Balance sneakers. Unlike other 6.5 W sized footwear, these fit my feet perfectly fine with a scant 1/2 inch of forward room. I had been worried that suddenly these wouldn't fit anymore! But, as with all my other trainers, my right foot becomes more sensitive as I pedal the elliptical until the ball of my foot is tender and the pinky toe just shy of numb. After the cardio warmup, I do some pullups, stretch and then abdominal exercises. It's a fairly routine Pull Day workout. I see a lot of regulars including B. I don't wait around to see if she's going to stretch at the end of her workout.
Another woman, who has been making great progress, brings a friend today. I hope having a gym buddy will encourage her further. Gym buddies are great when you're a nervous newbie and need that boost of confidence because you don't know what you're doing. Otherwise, unless you're sharing a routine, they can be a hindrance or a reason to chat long enough to cool down. I overheard a woman in the locker room remark to one of her friends that she sees a lot of people at the gym but they don't look any different than when they first started. "Well, I guess they come for the company," she mutters to herself.
As I'm leaving, I see two sisters who I'm friendly with. The older one remarks, "Are you leaving already? Are you done? I didn't see you in the gym at all today!" Her younger sister chides her and says, "That's because she works out and doesn't spend all her time talking like you do. That's what you're supposed to do at the gym: work out." She's not lying.
Wednesday Pull
30 elliptical + 5cd Program 2 Miles 2.93 Calories 329 HR 162-205 (89, 95)
Cage Stretch HGPU 23
Elbow Plank 60s Horizontal Scissors 60 Bicycles 60 Crunches 60/60 Side Planks 2 x 60s Bird Dogs 2 x 60s
Smith RDL Bar (30) x 15 80 x 12 100 x 12 120 x 12
Smith RG BB Rows 80 x 25 x 3
Seated Cable Rows 70 x 12 85 x 12 92.5 x 12 100 x 12
I only realized that my legs were sore when I got on the elliptical this morning. Even though I was tired from a lack of sleep, I still managed reasonable mileage. My heart rate was elevated most of the time. Not a good thing. But it did dip a few times so I wasn't totally freaked out.
What I did notice was that my left foot bore my weight in even distribution but not my right foot, the foot with a bunion and hammertoes, the foot with two stitches and a new toenail. Instead, there is intense pressure on the ball of my right foot, under the displaced proximal phalanges (big toe) that stretches across the top of all five metatarsals. Eventually, my pinky toe starts to hurt because of the pressure. I can feel every bone in my foot by this point, but I keep pedaling. Yes, I'm stubborn, and the pain is merely annoying. It subsides when 35 minutes are done, my toes aren't numb and I continue with my workout.
After doing abs, I'm happy to find that the Smith is available so I can do RDLs and RG BB Rows. Then Seated Cable Rows, followed by RG BB Curls. I consider doing another 20 plus minutes of program 3 on the elliptical but change my mind when I see that one of the Step Mills is free. At least I'll be working different muscles. The gym is more crowded today and I see a lot of vaguely familiar faces who've only just returned after a long hiatus. New Year's resolutionists?
At home, I research bunions and runners because those are the most common athletes prone to foot issues. I've never had my bunion treated because I've known people who have submitted to the surgery where their toe bones are broken, realigned and held together with screws. Uh, no thanks! And like most modern Americans, I do most if not all my research on the internet. What I find are articles on the how and why of bunions and hammertoes, and a very informative piece on how footwear can cause this condition. Of course, narrow-toed shoes and high heels are at the top of the list, but less recognized are genetic predisposition and running shoes, especially traditional ones that are widest at the ball of the foot, then narrow at the toes with a rising heel. Shoes should be widest where the foot is widest, which is at the toe spread.
The Runner's World article contains links to sports podiatrist and natural footwear advocate, Dr. Ray McClanahan. In a series of short YouTube videos, he promotes his own brand of toe spacers (I have an alternate brand that I have only used sporadically), wide toe-box athletic shoes (think Earth Shoes and Crocs), and massage treatments that purport to realign the bones. It's then that I discover just how inflexible my afflicted foot is! While I can easily bend the toes back on my left foot (curling the toes toward the sole), the right foot struggles. It's evidence of the shortened tendons that have caused the toes to curl upward, aka hammertoes.
Protective bandage
My bruised toe is stiff and the stitches don't help with flexibility. I learn that the fat that pads the ball of the foot has most likely shifted with the bones and tendons which explains the painful pressure I feel when I pedal vigorously. I'm hopeful that using the massage techniques in the video will help alleviate this problem and prevent further degradation. Over the years with my exercise routine, my hammertoes have gotten worse but I'm not about to subject my foot to surgical intervention.
I feel vindicated when causes for bunions and hammertoes also list trauma and nerve damage. Because I only have these issues in the foot that had a Schwannoma (benign tumor of the nerve sheath) removed from my ankle, I feel confident that nerve damage is the root of the drifting big toe and subsequent shortening of the tendons of my other toes. My mother had bunions in both feet so there is a genetic susceptibility to my case. But my other foot remains perfectly normal in appearance and gait. Whenever I am chided about tight shoes and high heels I'm indignant. I've never worn such things and proffer my left foot as evidence. (Coincidentally, this is also the leg with the sciatic nerve sensitivity. This nerve runs from the lower back through the glutes where it branches into smaller lines down the calf and into the foot. Maybe my right side is just fucked.)
These stretching and massage techniques are worth trying if they'll reduce and/or relieve some of my foot issues! Hammertoes aren't just weird looking; they occasionally spasm painfully and chafe against the roof of my roomier shoes. Eventually, I'll have to deal with corns or blisters. I'm encouraged to try my sock toe spacer again, but just for 30 minutes at a time. I also own a gel spacer and I admit that my bunion always looks less prominent after I've worn it. But both of these items are uncomfortable because they're mostly One-Size-Fits-All and I have small feet and tiny toes. Also, I'm unable to put my foot into a normal slipper when I wear them.
I've embedded a useful video below. Now to find some warming foot gel.
Friday Pull
30 elliptical + 5cd Program 2 Miles 2.93 Calories 330 HR 160-198 (84, 90)
Cage Stretch
Elbow Plank 60s Horizontal Scissors 60 Crunches 60/60 Bicycles 60 Side Planks 2 x 60s Bird Dogs 2 x 60s
Smith RDL Bar (30) x 15 80 x 12 100 x 12 120 x 12
Smith RG BB Rows 80 x 25 x 3
Seated Cable Rows 70 x 12 85 x 12 92.5 x 12 100 x 12
I don't normally follow a Push Day immediately with a Pull Day, unless like today, we're in a shortened week, because it's a Holiday week. Not just any holiday, but Thanksgiving. We have plans and they don't include working out. Hopefully, I won't get too fat. Kidding. I'm gonna get fat.
The gym fills up fast. A lot of folks may have the entire week off. The painters are still painting. It's never going to end. Even though it's a Pull Day, I skip doing pull-ups because I did them yesterday. It's better for my elbows if I don't do them every day. I do everything else though.
I spend the most time doing Seated Cable Rows. I only do Smith RDLs because I don't want to lose a full-body movement but I'm over feeling guilty about only pulling my bodyweight. Sight is more important and there is some danger in rising IOPs (interocular pressure) when lifting heavy. Most of my time is spent with Seated Cable Rows. One hundred pounds seems to be my limit here. Any heavier and my lower back starts to complain -- I'd rather not risk any discs. I'm stubborn but I try not to be stupid.
The gym fills up quickly but at least by the time I'm done with weights, the cardio platform has emptied. Yaaay me because I've cooled down too much to stretch. Lifting weights does not make me sweat unless the room is uncomfortably warm. Cardio brings my temperature back up so I'm limber again. The stretch area is crowded with drop cloths and ladders so once again I'm in the CF space by the front door. It's okay. I get done what needs to be done. Tomorrow I'll concentrate on cardio and pull-ups. Yep, I've got it all planned out.
Meanwhile, I'm looking through the Korean dog rescue site for a new pup or two. I'm told by the site admins that it's much better if we already have dogs, or if we adopt two dogs. So, now to start again. Our "foster" pup has gone home and is overjoyed to be a dog again with his original family. I'm very happy that it has all worked out.
Foggy Tuesday Pull
30 elliptical + 5cd Program 2 Miles 2.87 Calories 321 HR 154-192 (79, 87)
Cage Stretch
Elbow Plank 60s Crunches 60/60 Bicycles 60 Horizontal Scissors 60 Side Planks 2 x 60s Bird Dogs 2 x 60s
Smith RDL Bar (30) x 15 80 x 12 100 x 12 110 x 12
Smith RG BB Rows 80 x 25 x 3
Seated Cable Rows 70 x 12 77.5 x 12 85 x 12 90 x 12 95 x 12 100 x 12
RG BB Curls 40 lbs x 25 reps x 3 sets
20 elliptical + 5cd Program 2 Miles 2.06 Calories 230 HR 139-190 (117)
It was 16F when I woke up this morning. At least there's very little humidity which means I didn't need to scrape my windshield while warming up the car. Other places have been hit much worse. I've dug out my down parkas (yes, I own several) and assorted gloves. Last night I filled the bird feeder with black oil sunflower seeds so that the chickadees and tufted titmouse (titmice?) will be well-rewarded for their pre-dawn excursions into my yard. The suet, embedded with broken sunflower kernels and peanut pieces, provides calories for the red-bellied woodpecker, nuthatches and any other bird waiting for a chance to nab a big black sunflower seed.
The gym is still being painted. I get on the elliptical and the treadmills in front of me start to fill with bodies. My hands are numb with cold from grasping the metal portion of the handles where the sensors are located. I don't take my hoodie off until halfway through the program because that's how long it takes for me to get my body temperature up. I'm freezing once again in the Aerobic Room but I don't want to wear my hoodie because I use it in place of a towel when I lay down on the communal mats to do crunches and planks.
I don't break a sweat again until halfway through my second cardio set. I do my Smith RDLs and note that the bar doesn't glide smoothly anymore. Peering into the cable track, I can see big gobs of dust. Ugh. It doesn't impede my exercises but it does add a certain amount of unpleasant resistance. I'm good-to-go for all my sets until I get to the last set of Seated Cable Rows. I have to drop two reps because my lower back feels a bit odd. I feel okay for RG BB Curls, and as tired as I am (not getting even close to 8 hours sleep), I'm happy to ascend to the cardio platform. I think my anxiety is getting the best of me and I'm going to have to find alternative ways to deal with it. Clearly, exercise isn't enough.
I've wrangled a near impossible appointment with my primary care physician just to get the blood work and EKG needed by the hospital for my toe biopsy. Even though I'll only be lightly sedated and awake, they still need assurances that I'm healthy. Or healthy enough. I'm not at all happy that my local hospital just got an A rating, and the hospital I'm slated to have the procedure done at scored a C! Of course, 6 months ago, a different rating system gave my local place a C and the other place a B. It's not up to me where I go: it's where the specialist has privileges.
But what really disturbs me is the chance I might actually have subungual melanoma. People with darker skin such as Africans and Asians have a higher incidence of non-sun-related melanoma. Worst case scenario? That it's fatal. Yeah, I'm wrestling with questions about mortality and I'm only 59 and in pretty damn good health. I truly believed I'd make it into my 90s, barring being struck dead by a meteor from space.
Best case is that it's just a weird pigment thing going on since it's near my jet black flag-shaped birthmark. And then there's all the in-betweens like it's melanoma and I need to have my toe amputated. I've done the research. People get along fine without their big toes, but I'll bet it'll be stupid hard to do a pistol squat without it. Studies indicate though, that a more conservative approach (excising the affected area) might be just as effective, although, because diagnosis is often delayed prognosis is generally poor for patients with this type of cancer. Ugh. Have I waited too long to have this biopsy done? More cause for anxiety...
While I'm on the elliptical, a regular, part of the senior coffee-klatch gabfest, gets on the stationary bike in front of me. Then he gets off and I think to myself, "I guess some folks only need five minutes to warm up." Then I look at my console and realize that I've been on the elliptical for 4 minutes and was on it before he came. So, he was on for maybe a minute? He's in seriously horrible shape with a gut that protrudes in an unhealthy, unnatural way. I'm not going to say, "Well at least he showed up" because coming to the gym doesn't count if all you do is sit around and drink coffee with your friends (who actually did exercise).
Frigid Sunny Wednesday Pull
30 elliptical + 5cd Program 2 Miles 2.91 Calories 327 HR 163-198 (81, 96, 80)
Cage Stretch HGPU 25
Elbow Plank 60s Crunches 60/60 Bicycles 60 Horizontal Scissors 60 Side Planks 2 x 60s Bird Dogs 2 x 60s
Smith RDL Bar (35) x 15 80 x 12 100 x 12 110 x 12
Smith RG BB Rows 80 x 25 x 3
Seated Cable Rows 70 x 12 77.5 x 12 85 x 12 90 x 12 95 x 12 100 x 10
RG BB Curls 40 lbs x 25 reps x 3 sets
20 elliptical + 5cd Program 2 Miles 2.07 Calories 231 HR 138-203 (86, 89)
Chirping birds woke me while I was dreaming about my parents. Well, not real birds. It's too cold at 36F for real birds to sing as loudly and happily as my phone alarm at 6 am. My parents, dressed as I remembered them from the late 80s in fancy summer clothes, were ascending steps to a vast scenic overlook. At the top, they asked me if I had seen my siblings. No, my sister's in Florida. Not sure where the brother is. Both my parents are dead and have been for several years. Both my siblings are alive and well, and yes, my sister is currently in Florida.
The dream was not comforting or reassuring because I never dream about my parents. I wonder if it's a bad omen, like the dead coming to speak to you because you'll be joining them soon. Or maybe this is just my anxiety about that upcoming toe biopsy manifesting itself in a dream. What if this is melanoma, one of the deadliest skin cancers? What if this is related to the horrible itchy skin on my throat for the past several years that doctors are quick to blow off with a "take an OTC antihistamine" or "use some hydrocortisone cream." Of course, as an outlier, I could just have a benign striate melanonychia, a band of dark pigment under the nail. Still, that in itself can suggest a melanoma. Ugh. And if it is melanoma, treatment usually involves amputation of the toe to the 2nd joint. Plus all that other stuff involved with cancer treatment. Like I said before, I'm glad it's not my thumb.
I skipped the gym yesterday, voted and then took my son to see Zombieland 2. It was graphic and comically violent and we had no trouble finding seats in spite of the huge crowd in the ticket area. Most of those families were there to see Arctic Dogs, The Addams Family, or Maleficent (with Angelina Jolie and great make-up and CG effects). I'd still like to see Joker and Terminator: Dark Fate, but that's just me.
Today is a Pull Day workout and as usual, I feel sluggish when I first get on the elliptical. I'm so grateful that my body responds well to cardio. It wakes me up, makes me limber and warm, brightens my mood and energizes my body. After pull-ups, which I've slowly increased in reps, I do core exercises in the aerobic room. There's a skinny middle-aged woman, a regular, doing weird movements with DBs. Okay, maybe weird is too kind a word. If I was her trainer, I'd correct the sloppy alternating bicep curls she performs while stepping forward and back. Of course, I have no idea what her physiological issues or goals are. So, I keep my mouth shut and pretend I don't see her. I'm just here to do my own thing.
The gym is actually being painted during business hours. It's a bit disconcerting to be dodging ladders and wonder which painted wall or door is wet. I find the Smith vacant and the crowd of Chatty Guys at a bench directly behind it. Time to turn up the volume on my tunes. Initially, I tell myself that I'll just do a few light sets of RDLs to warm up. But since everything feels okay, I wind up adding more weight until I'm at 110 lbs. As long as I focus and take the movement slow and deliberately, I'm okay. It's not 120 lbs. And it's a long way from the 170 I used to pull. But that was a few years ago. Then I knock out the RG BB Rows in quick succession.
It's my anxiety, the fight or flight response, that's fueling my workout. It certainly isn't caffeine! Anxiety can be channeled to fuel physical endeavors. Luckily, physical exertions provide physiological relief courtesy of those kickass endorphins. It's much harder for me to use this restless energy for more cerebral tasks, like studying grammar. Instead, it's the "escapism technique from anxiety" that has me sit at this blog doing research and pulling graphics. Lucky you. Kidding!
Uh oh, now I've done it. I'm worried I've tired myself out and primed myself for injury on the Seated Cable Row. Again, I have to remind myself to focus and move deliberately and slowly. I can feel the sciatic nerve in my right leg winge a tiny bit. My left hip also complains a little. That just makes me more determined to move cautiously, and I actually increase the weight by 5 lbs with a minor sense of accomplishment. Taking yesterday off really helped. Even the RG BB Curls aren't nearly as painful as I remember. Better, I'm able to knock out a second set of pull-ups after my second round of cardio. Yaaay me.
The gym is trolling for new members. It seems plenty crowded to me, but affixed to every other wall including inside the bathroom stalls is a blue paper stating that Everyone's a Gold's Gym member in November. It is a cute take on Friends Don't Let Friends Skip Leg Day... but only gym rats would know that one.
Sunny Cold Wednesday Pull
30 elliptical + 5cd Program 1 Miles 2.89 Calories 323 HR 147-194 (93)
Cage Stretch HGPU 25
Elbow Plank 60s Crunches 60/60 Bicycles 60 Horizontal Scissors 60 Side Planks 2 x 60s Bird Dogs 2 x 60s
Smith RDL Bar (35) x 15 80 x 12 100 x 12 110 x 12
Smith RG BB Rows 80 x 25 x 3
Seated Cable Rows 70 x 12 77.5 x 12 85 x 12 90 x 12 95 x 12 100 x 12
RG BB Curls 40 x 25 x 3
20 elliptical + 5cd Program 1 Miles 2.09 Calories 236 HR 138-192 (90, 95)
My anxiety is getting the best of me and ruining my sleep. Last night I only got five and a half hours. I averaged six over the weekend, which isn't even close to optimal. I wake up with my heart pounding and a sense of dread and doom that has nothing to do with any dreams I've had. It makes me appreciate the morning bird calls as a wakeup alarm because that's not jarring like most of the melodies I have access to. So it's not as if I can't sleep through the night. It's just that I never seem to get to bed on time. Last night I listened to thumping and banging for an hour. It turns out my son couldn't sleep and decided to rearrange his room at midnight.
I really want to go back to bed after my son gets on the school bus, but I drive to the gym instead. It's a Pull Day and of course, I'm starting with cardio. I beat Snow Bird to the Stretch Cage and get my pull-ups done before going to the aerobic room for core exercises. Everything is going fine until I get to the Smith for RDLs. I momentarily lose focus during the warm-up at 80 lbs and immediately know something isn't right. It's as if something shifted in my lower back, chiclets have fallen out of alignment and it's more than uncomfortable. However, it's not horribly painful, but it's not right either.
I do the smart thing: I stop doing RDLs. With 80 lbs on the bar, I can still do RG BB Rows without any discomfort. I can still do Seated Cable Rows and even the same 95 lbs I rowed last week. I can still do RG BB Curls. I'm just moving cautiously and deliberately. And, I can still pedal like a fiend on the elliptical for 20 plus minutes afterward. I actually feel really good now and knock out another set of pull-ups before a Mat Stretch and then a shower.
The daily teaspoon of chia seeds I've been adding to my yogurt has a very regulatory effect on the digestive tract, even more so than coffee! Just 3 tablespoons of seed fulfill the daily adult fiber requirement! I like the fact that there's no need to grind it to release all the nutritional benefits, unlike flax seed. So much more useful than smearing it on terra cotta figurines. (Who remembers those Chia Pet commercials?) If I was smart, I'd take a nap when I get home. But I've lost the ability to nap these days.
And I can't actually get home because some idiot driving a carting truck crashed into the utility pole on my road. And my road is now closed while 4 power company trucks try to avert disaster and replace the broken pole while wires snake through the trees. I park down the street and weave through the bucket trucks while carrying the groceries I didn't want to leave in my car. Like meat, and $5 sushi for my son. Tonight, the best I can hope for is getting to bed a little earlier, and not having my son rearrange his room in the middle of the night.
Another Rainy Sleep-Deprived Wednesday
(5 miles)
30 elliptical + 5cd Program 3 Miles 2.89 Calories 323 HR 150-192 (95, 91)
Cage Stretch HGPU 23
Elbow Plank 60s Crunches Legs Up 60 Horizontal Scissors 60 Crunches knees bent 60 Bicycles 60 Side Planks 2 x 60s Bird Dogs 2 x 60s
Smith RDLs Bar (30) x 15 80 x 12 Lost focus — weird lower back
Smith RG BB Rows 80 x 25 x 3
Seated Cable Rows 70 x 12 77.5 x 12 85 x 12 90 x 12 95 x 12
RG BB Curls 40 x 25 x 3
20 elliptical + 5cd Program 3 Miles 2.11 Calories 238 HR 143-193 (84, 98, 86)
Today I'm wearing my size 6.5 W New Balance sneakers. Unlike other 6.5 W sized footwear, these fit my feet perfectly fine with a scant 1/2 inch of forward room. I had been worried that suddenly these wouldn't fit anymore! But, as with all my other trainers, my right foot becomes more sensitive as I pedal the elliptical until the ball of my foot is tender and the pinky toe just shy of numb. After the cardio warmup, I do some pullups, stretch and then abdominal exercises. It's a fairly routine Pull Day workout. I see a lot of regulars including B. I don't wait around to see if she's going to stretch at the end of her workout.
