Playing Around

Took my son to the gym today so he could burn a few calories... good thing I knew today was going to be a bust, but hopefully the next time we go, he'll be better acquainted with the equipment so it won't be me constantly stepping down to adjust something for him... Still, I got a bit of cardio in, showed him how to do real push ups (we used the mirrored class room which was vacant except for a few women all doing their own thing), real crunches, side lunges, and dive bomber push ups. We spent time on the Step Mill first because literally every other cardio machine was in use. Then we pedaled on the LifeFitness stationery bikes (not the reclining ones) and finally, used the LifeFitness ellipticals by the front door. I've never used them before, but they have, in fact, less resistance and an easier glide, than the ones up on the cardio platform. He got all sweaty and rosy-cheeked. I was a little damp.

"This is fun. Let's do this next Saturday", my sons to me as we exit the gym. "Okay."

This was of course, post Chinese school and kung fu. Afterwards, we waited nearly an hour for my son to get a haircut so now I can see his face, then to the store to pick up delicious rainbow marzipan cookies to bring to our play date tomorrow, drove a few miles to Johnny Gelato for a treat, and I got myself some Ed Hardy sangria, which is lately the only sangria I like to drink (yeah, I've become a sangria snob — lol).

My son casually asks me as I drive to the gas station to top off the car, "Is this mission creep?". "Absolutely," I tell him.

15-20 minutes Matrix Step Mill = approx 800 steps (I kept having to step down and adjust things for my son so it's hard to know exactly how long or how much was done)
8 min LifeFitness bike = 1.04 miles
12 min LifeFitness elliptical = 1.00 miles

About two dozen push ups, 25 crunches, half a dozen side lunges...

Fear of Failure

We are creatures of habit, rudimentarily shaped by Nature's Fight or Flight response. Sometimes our heads get the better of us, sowing seeds of doubt which sprouts a different type of fear. It's not the imminent fear of danger but the fear of failure, and if we behave as if it didn't matter, well then, we've saved our pride if nothing else. It's even easier not to try (that hard) than to risk failing. We have a million convenient excuses. "Oh, who can possibly look like a superhero at THAT age," some might sneer. To which I ask, "Have you tried?" And I mean, have you really really deep-in-your-heart tried? Perhaps it's not what you really want then? Or are you afraid?

Today's is Monday and a Heavy Bench day probably all over the civilized world. The gym feels humid and warm, but I still have my hoodie zipped up and my iPod blaring. A young woman is peddling the "tractor" again and I have to assume that she prefers it because the other two ellipticals are free. I hop on my favorite Precor and punch in program Hill #5. I've been a complete slug the entire weekend, not even venturing out of my pajamas on Saturday. Sunday was my husband's birthday and we got cups of gelato, followed by groceries so I could make him a birthday dinner of Chinese-style beef with tomatoes (with oyster sauce and beef broth over noodles). Now I'm stiff and slightly breathless as I peddle furiously just to maintain a 195 Strides Per Minute pace. I didn't drink or eat all that much this weekend, although I've become pleasantly acquainted with the Stella Artois version of hard cider. At 170 calories, it's less damaging than Angry Orchard (200 per bottle). An online search informs me that Red's Apple Ale is even less, at 165 calories. But the difference between a brewed ale and fermented hard cider is lost on me. What's not lost on me is how much I'm enjoying my revised Short Cardio Playlist and I manage to log in a tad over 4 miles. Yay!

I'm not seeing much
obvious change.

The Smith is free and the gym is sparsely populated. It's that time during the summer when everyone's on vacation. The bar feels heavy, the tract gunked and sticky. It's not promising, but I tell myself that this'll feel more like the real thing, more like an unassisted bench. I've been telling myself that for weeks now instead of nagging the folks at the front desk to service the machine. I pyramid my weights up but even now, 135 lbs feels awfully heavy. It makes me hesitate to add the last two plates to the bar. I wrap my wrists before putting my gloves back on, reassuring myself that I've been pushing this weight for weeks, nay, months so I can do this now. Normally, I don't bench as deeply on the heavy set because it's godawful heavy, and I don't have a spotter. But today I get 5 good deep reps and then I panic because I seem to be stuck on the 6th rep. Are my arms failing?!

I know I can just turn my wrists and the bar will set on the rack but I really want to push the bar back to its start point. I finish the set but I'm unnerved enough to consider doing drop sets now, or maybe even asking someone for a spot. Nixon is alternating with another fellow using a bench the next station over. But I resist the urge to ask him. And I resist the urge to pull plates off the bar. Instead, I consider doing the next set quicker, and not quite so deep. I do this to regain my confidence that I can actually handle the weight. Doubt is corrosive and needs to be neutralized ASAP! The 2nd set felt more like a normal set. And the 3rd set wasn't quite as quick and not quite as deep as the 1st, but it still felt controlled. The drop sets come easily now and I leave the bench feeling better. Perhaps because there's nothing worse than fear. Except doubt.

After Cage Stretch I grab a pair of 2.5 lb magnetic discs to use on the 25 lb dumbbells. I've been meaning to up my weights and drop my reps. Small delicate joints like shoulders and elbows require small, patient increases. I baby my lower back by using the Inclined Bench for Rear Delt Raises. After a warm up set of 15 reps, I gingerly add the discs and knock out 5 more sets at 8 reps. It's the amount of reps I can do comfortably so I wonder if I can handle 30 lb dumbbells in the 4-6 rep range. But I don't want to get ahead of myself. My joints have always been my weak points. For my last set, I do as many reps until I can't. It's 12. Maybe I should up the weight again. Next week. I can do this next week.

I'm less confident with the standing Lateral DB Raises. My arms and shoulders are already tired so I compromise by doing 3 sets of 12 with just the DB, and then another 3 sets of 8 with the added weight. I'm thinking about how relaxing sit ups will be when I grab the 40 lb BB for Upright Rows. Then I add the discs and do another 3 sets. I feel toasted. Sit ups are such a relief that I knock out 200 on the flat bench, and do another 100 crunches on the "ABench" station. Finally it's time for Mat Stretch! Yay! There's two old guys on the Mats but I don't care and position myself on the front mat. As long as I'm plugged in, I'm oblivious to everyone around me. I know that they're there, but I just don't care. The Mayor, Nixon, M, B, Mo, Hoodie Tattoo, Ranger Rick, Skinny Blonde, R. I don't see anything but the mat and where I need my feet to be.

The gym scale reads 110.2 lbs. Not awful considering I'd just sucked down the entire 1.5 liters of water. The hot shower feels so good that it's with great difficulty that I start tuning the hot down and the cold water up. When I go to leave, I see R at the cables by the Cage Stretch so I stop to say Hi and Bye to him. He's grimacing as I approach but smiles when I get his attention. I'm probably smiling too because I'm showered and dressed and got the rest of my day to run errands and stuf. It's a nice way to end the workout.

Today's Fear of Failure Workout:
35 min hill #5 = 4.05 miles Yay!
Smith Bench Press: 12 @ bar / 12 @ 95 / 10 @ 115 / 8 @ 135 / 3 x 6 @ 155 / 12 @ 135 / 15 @ 115 / 25 @ 95 lbs
Cage Stretch with BW Heel Dips and Side Kicks
Inclined Rear DB Raises: 15 @ 25 lbs / 5 x 8 @ 27.5 lbs / 12 @ 27.5 lbs
Standing Lateral DB Raises: 3 x 12 @ 25 lbs / 3 x 8 @ 27.5 lbs
BB Upright Rows: 15 @ 40 lbs / 3 x 12 @ 45 lbs
Flat Bench Twisting Sit Ups: 200
Ab Crunch Station: 100
Torso Twist Machine: 2 x 25 @ 50 lbs
Mat Stretch with splits and Dive Bomber Push Ups (5 hands under shoulders + 3 hands under waist)

Kicking the Feedback Addiction

I'm not sure if spaceyness counts as an allergic reaction to pollen since I'm not taking antihistamines, and flowers are abloom! Dramatically so! Vertigo still lurks inside my middle ear but so far it hasn't really impeded my ability to drive, exercise, shop, clean, cook or type. I feel lucky! Lucky that in spite of a high sodium weekend beginning with sushi of assorted rolls (dragon, crazy dragon, volcano) and ending with vindaloo lamb, mango shrimp and assorted curries, my fingers weren't swollen when I awoke this morning. I took my husband and son to Jaipore for Father's Day dinner and then my husband took us to Johnny Gelato for dessert.

My butt was stiff and sore, but that's the new normal for me. I dread Mondays at the gym because I know how badly I tend to fare with cardio after two days of complete anaerobic inactivity. Hill #5 kicked my butt and I missed my quota by a skosh. Oh well... tomorrow's another chance to make it up. The Smith Machine welcomes me and I'm extremely cognizant of my body placement on the bench today. All my lifts, while never easy, feel strong. Completing my final drop set of 25 reps makes me really happy although you'd never know it from the non-expression on my face.

Today's 1st Push Day of the Week
35 min cardio hill #5 = 3.99 miles Bleah!
Smith Bench Press: 15 reps bar / 12 @ 95 lbs / 10 @ 115 / 8 @ 135 / 3 x 6 @ 155 / 12 @ 135 / 25 @ 115 lbs Yay!
Cage Stretch & Kicks
Bent Over (Chest in Lap) Rear DB Flyes: 6 x 15 @ 25 lbs
Standing Lateral DB Raises: 3 x 15 @ 20 lbs
Standing Lateral DB Raises SuperSet with One-Arm Tricep Extensions: 3 x 15 @ 20 lbs
Ab Crunch Station: 100
Flat Bench Twisting Sit Ups: 100
Tricep Press Downs: 3 x 12 @ 50 lbs
Ab Crunch Station (again): 100
Mat Stretch: the gym has rearranged the mats once again and I move about every few stretches in order to take advantage of open spots as they occur. My splits are stiff and uneven today but I expect that on Mondays. 

Mo waves at me while I'm doing sit ups. I see her at the Mats but she gets up before I'm done. When I'm finally done, I see her at the far end of the DB area along with R and Ranger Rick and a few others. It's too crowded for me and I duck out to the locker room without greeting anyone. I have to pee, my head feels disconnected and I'm ravenously hungry.

The scale reads a whopping 113.0 lbs which, even for a Monday, is a lot. That high sodium weekend is certainly wreaking havoc on my self-esteem. I find myself constantly checking my email to see if anyone's posted comments on the two other weight-lifting sites I've joined. Nothing. I feel deflated and disappointed, then wonder about it. Is this akin to constantly surfing social media sites?

It's a feedback addiction that's almost as insidious as Pavlov's dog treats. Perhaps because there's no feedback when I work out, except for what I perceive about my own efforts, opportunity arises for the (reward) mesolimbic system of the brain to seek recognition no matter how indirect. The sites were exciting when I first joined but I'm quickly growing weary of them, finding it necessary to up the ante in terms of postings or photos to achieve the same thrill response. In spite of my ability to utilize long, boring exercise routines, I don't have the same patience with social media sites. Oh well... it may be time to kick that puppy to the ground (figuratively, of course).