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| Today |
Wrinkles, eyelids and stiffened muscles. My eyes sockets are more hollow than they used to be. Asians and blacks have more subcutaneous fat which makes us appear to age slower. Because what makes everyone look old is having thin, hanging skin.
But what's the space between your fingernails and your fingers? I've noticed that it's more difficult to trim my nails these days because my flesh seems to be growing in places it never has before. My mother had this problem when I went to visit her while she was ailing. I tried to trim her nails but couldn't because of the cuticle-like flesh between her painted nails and the tips of her fingers. I thought it was because she was in her late 60s. I'm not even in my late 50s. Yet. I don't remember m grandmother having this issue, but she was able to care for herself well into her 80s.
Frequent nocturnal indigestion and Terra Chips? I love these chips, but lately I'm waking up with heartburn. I don't do well with high-fat foods so maybe it IS the chips. The only way to know is to stop eating them and see. Is this neck rash really psoriasis? It's gotten much worse. I find my baby fine hair really irritating as just a strand brushes against my throat, making the skin sting and itch. My neck has red streaks now, from all the scratching. It's not normal itching, not like an insect bite. I find an old tube of fluocinonide cream and have a vague recollection that this is a super-hydrocortisone, good for rashes and itching. I look it up and am gratified to see that it's prescribed for allergic reactions, eczema and psoriasis. But is this toe rash athlete's foot? It doesn't behave or look like it, but I do find an antifungal in the bathroom.
All this so I don't have to make an appointment with a dermatologist. My last visit with one was quite disappointing. It seemed he wanted something exotic to diagnose and my dry, itchy flaky skin wasn't exciting enough. The cream he suggested was useless. I'll stick to the lactic acid brands -- at least they work. And because I'm still trying to figure out how to pay for the deductible portion of last year's endoscopy (which showed that I didn't have gallstones), I'm leery of incurring any more medical fees. Because since 'bamacare was enacted, our health insurance doesn't cover squat but costs twice as much.
It's been months but I can't shake the heaviness in my chest. It's not physiological, but emotional. It's the weight of depression. Not a deep overwhelming despair, but something small and very dense, lying in the center like an anchor. It's replaced the wild anxiety I sometimes suffer from, but I can't really say that it's any better. It's not dread. More of a persistent sadness that underlies everything. It's the state of the world, and the loss of people both personal and iconic, the realization that the world might not be a better place for my son but a worse one when he reaches adulthood. He's at the age where I have to start letting go, first to Boy Scout camp, and eventually as he matures. I know we'll always be close though, the way mothers and only sons are.
Today is a Push Day, mostly. I try variations on push ups today and concentrate on proper form. Needless to say, I don't get many reps. T-push ups are always a good challenge so I start with those and intersperse planks between sets. I don't remember the name of the push up where you tap the opposite shoulder with your hand after you come up, but I do a set of those too. The hardest push ups are the SpiderMan, which makes you crouch down on one side, then push up, then roll to a crouch to the other side. It's hard on the shoulders and I don't like it much. I don't realize how taxed my shoulders are until I try benching. Even at the Smith machine, with its counterbalanced bar, my right shoulder twinges with moderately heavy weight. Nope. I drop the weight down and go for reps. Even Smith Inclined Benching is hard. Delts, drag curls and upright rows are next. At least I can do those! Another set of pull ups. That last rep is almost a fail. Final set of cardio. Arms are too tired so let's muscle through this last set of pull ups with just the back. That works for me! Tomorrow I'll whack the machine. Yep.
Monday's Workout
(6.16 miles total cardio; 27,406 lbs moved; the JeFit app tells me my actual workout time was 2 hrs 1 min; resting for 52 min; session length was 2 hr 53 min and no wasted time. I have no idea what this really means.)
Steady state
Calorie : 134 CAL
Distance: 3.66 mile
Speed : 7.32 mph
Duration : 00:30:00
Distance: 3.66 mile
Speed : 7.32 mph
Duration : 00:30:00
Shoulder Left : 00:00:30
Shoulder Right : 00:00:30
Straight Left : 00:00:30
Straight Right : 00:00:30
Shoulder Right : 00:00:30
Straight Left : 00:00:30
Straight Right : 00:00:30
146.67
Set 1 : 30x20
Set 2 : 80x12
Set 3 : 100x10
Set 4 : 120x5 Bleah!
Set 5 : 80x25
Set 2 : 80x12
Set 3 : 100x10
Set 4 : 120x5 Bleah!
Set 5 : 80x25
112
Set 1 : 30x15
Set 2 : 50x12
Set 3 : 70x12
Set 4 : 80x12
Set 5 : 50x25
Set 2 : 50x12
Set 3 : 70x12
Set 4 : 80x12
Set 5 : 50x25
35
Set 1 : 20x12
Set 2 : 20x12
Set 3 : 20x12
Set 4 : 25x12
Set 5 : 25x12
Set 6 : 25x12 SuperSet with
Set 2 : 20x12
Set 3 : 20x12
Set 4 : 25x12
Set 5 : 25x12
Set 6 : 25x12 SuperSet with
41.67
Set 1 : 20x20
Set 2 : 20x20
Set 3 : 20x20
Set 4 : 25x20
Set 5 : 25x20
Set 6 : 25x20
Set 2 : 20x20
Set 3 : 20x20
Set 4 : 25x20
Set 5 : 25x20
Set 6 : 25x20
205.33
Set 1 : 112x25
