Is Bigger Better?

We had lovely weather this weekend and tried to spend most of it outdoors. Saturday we finally set up the deer target my hubs had purchased a few years ago. I haven't shot my bow all summer and subsequently lost an arrow over the target and into the woods. I heard it thwang as it hit either the pallets under the tree, or the fence behind it. Lost forever, cause I'm not going back into the barberry, skunk cabbage and poison ivy swamp to look for it.

My son is much better at it, but he's got a compound bow. I can shoot it, but I find it heavy to hold. I have a traditional. My hubs was switching between the two he had made: one made of shaped PVC pipe, and the other was oak. He got material for both at the Home Depot. But the problem with living where we live is that we have neighbors. And neighbors are noisy. Last summer I listened to a pile-driver blasting out rock three houses down the road so the folks could put in a salt water pool. The fellow across the street has a septic problem with a rental shack so there's a mini backhoe excavating in the morning. Then the people next door decide that they can't possibly speak on their cell in the house. The guy has to yell into his phone in Spanish while pacing his parking area, which coincidentally is next to our driveway. Which is next to our front yard. So I'm listening to this idiot blathering like he's standing in front of me, and all I want to do is smack him in the head with a brick. After he finally leaves, his dad decides it's a good time to mow and then leaf blow their yard.

I'm really happy when no one is doing anything, and the only noise I hear are birds scolding in the trees. Sunday we decide to drive an hour north to the Sheep and Wool Festival just to check it out. It's a beautiful day for it, and there's lots of fun things to look at. The food was not so great, with traditional fairground venues (fried dough, burgers, kielbasa, hot dogs, etc), and some specialty items, like raw milk cheese and lamb soup. My son of course refused to eat anything with lamb in it, just out of principle. I'm okay with that. The weather was beautiful, and we had a great time, even watching the weird Canadian dance troupe Corpus perform a Les Moutons, a surreal theatrical piece.

So it surprises me this morning when I wake up filled with anxiety and dread. I have a mammogram scheduled this morning, but that's not a reason. It's just a test. The only thing that makes sense in a vague way is that being out all day meant I didn't take any of my vitamins. And I find that if I don't take my vitamins, especially the B12 and B6, not only do I feel tired and depressed, but I seem to experience a worsening sense of anxiety. Ugh.

There's a lot of speculation about anxiety in the news these days. We're just beginning to see how pervasive it is, and how it might be the seed of all sorts of problems. It invariably leads to self-medication, and erratic behavior. Because if you're medicated enough to be calm, are you too calm to be productive?

I read about people having psychotic breaks. Usually it's reported that they've been prescribed a mood-altering psycho pharmaceutical. But there are people who fall down the rabbit hole of irrational thought without any prescribed help. How can you tell if you're succumbing to a mental illness? Who can you trust to confide in? If you answer Yes on the questionnaire "Have you experienced depression?", what black mark does your doc check off on your file? Let me state upfront that I don't trust doctors, because I don't trust pharma companies. Who can tell how beholden the doc is to their rep? Let me also state that Yes, I've had some very dark thoughts (not recently). But I'm the type who sits and analyzes everything. Every thought and action. It's probably not helping my anxiety, but I'm also not impulsive. But that's not to say I haven't had very weird thoughts leading to bizarre conclusions that in the end, just didn't pan out. Thank goodness for inertia.

Inertia makes today's workout a bit tough. I'm at the gym at the usual time, having had a mammogram and ultrasound earlier. The tech is cheerful when she announces that there are no changes to my scans when she compares them with those from 2014. Yaaay me. There's someone on the noisy cross-trainer so I get on the one next to it. It glides silently, but I can't lower the resistance past 1, like I can on the other machine. That machine goes to 0 resistance. 15 minutes to go and my right foot starts to hurt. First the big toe itself, and surprisingly not the bunion, and then the bones along the outside of my foot. My foot goes numb, which is annoying because I'm wearing my soft and squishy Ryka cardio shoes. I feel tired and weak when I do my pull ups. Ugh. I get my 26 reps but I don't feel strong at all today.

I knock out push ups, and then see a fellow vacate the Smith machine. Yes! Inclined Benching is first on my routine. Of course, all the plates are haphazardly re-racked, Ugh. I hate that. It makes it nearly impossible to get the plates I want to use without removing both heavier and lighter plates that have been stacked all together. Who the hell re-racks 45 lb plates with 5s and 2 1/4s? Have I told you how much I hate other people?

The Mayor makes his grand entrance as I set up my BB for Front Raises and Upright Rows. I haven't been able to hear him over my headphones, so I'm mildly pleased by that. The power goes out while I'm in the middle of my first set. Only those of us doing free weights keep moving. Eventually the lights reset and come back on. I seem to be standing near the only light that comes back immediately. Lucky me. I knock out my DB Lateral Raises, and do the Reverse Inclined Flyes on the bench in the Smith because I'm just not in the mood for The Mayor and his posse who are congregated in the DB area. I see a few other regulars though: guys who work solo and silent. I appreciate those guys.

After V-bar press downs, I realize that I haven't done core in a long time. There's a trainer with a senior lady on the Stretch Mat but I don't feel like becoming a distraction so I go into the empty big mirrored classroom. There are individual yoga mats stacked in the corner and while they're not big enough to do my Mat Stretch, they're fine for doing crunches and planks. I catch a glimpse of myself as I walk across the floor, and realize that I'm godawful huge. I think it's time to cut out some fat, not just for my cholesterol, but for aesthetics too.

Monday

35 xtrainer
Calories 153
Miles 3.85
Average Heart Rate 142

HGPU 26
Push Ups 60

Smith Inclined Press
Bar (30) x 15
50 x 12
70 x 12
80 x 12 x 3
60 x 25
50 x 25

BB Front Raise s/s Upright Rows
20lbs x 15/15 reps
25 x 12/15, 15/15, 15/15

DB Laterals s/s Rev Inclined Flyes
20/25lbs x 12/15reps x 3 sets

V-bar cable press down
40lbs x 12reps x 3 sets

Scissors 50
Bicycle 50
Crunches 50
Bird Dogs 2 x 60s
Side Planks 2 x 60s