Progress In Spite Of

The gym scale totally surprised me today as it bounced between 108.8 and 109 lbs. I settled on 109 lbs. I'm sure part of it is that I only drank 2/3 of my water. Today was a body weight and cardio day, because I'm tired, but I'm too anxious to sit home in front of my computer all day. I read about Imposter Syndrome and sometimes that's how I feel, like an imposter because I'm not actually great at anything, and part of me feels that I should be a zillion times more successful than being a stay at home mom who writes a little-read blog, shows photography and writes an occasional weird story. Truthfully, I'd be really uncomfortable if more than 15 people ever read my blog. I think it's because my mother instilled a traumatic fear of calling attention to myself. But she's long dead so I don't really have any excuses except for what's going on in my head.

I get on the only available cardio machine which happens to be a cross-trainer by the front door. 30 minutes later and barely over 3 miles, I'm trying to muster enough energy to do pull ups. They feel incredibly hard and I only make it to 34. Knee-Ins are always okay. The Mayor is back, gabbing with Shazam at an ab machine that faces the sit up board I use for Knee-Ins. Most of my workout is going to be on the Mats, and cardio. I do my push ups, and then planks. I don't really want to mess with my hair clip today so I only do one set of crunches.

I have the bigger U8 earbuds in, and they sound great, but my right ear is tender. I think I have some sort of bump inside my ear canal that shrinks its diameter. We all have weird bumps. Sometimes they're benign cysts, or warts. Or skin tags. The older we get, the more lumps and bumps we discover on our bodies. I'm not sure when I should become concerned and have anything checked out, because going to the doctor is almost as expensive as not having any health insurance at all.

I take time out to show a gym-friend my son's book. I've been carrying a copy of it around in my purse for weeks now, hoping that if I show it to the right person, I'll make a contact for a job prospect. As much as I miss working for a big corporation, I can't see how I can continue to support my son's activities and home work efforts if I'm commuting to a Big City job. (I'm still tempted to ask people I know if the local pharma giant is hiring down in Tarrytown.) But really, I need to figure out how to get clients for what I love doing: graphic layouts for print publications, and writing.

When she leaves, I spend 30 minutes on the elliptical, torturing myself with the Intervals program. Then more pull ups. This time they're easier and I make my 40. Yaaay me! As an after thought, I check out the Zumba class room which is now empty. Perfect for doing a few, very few pistol squats.

Wednesday
6.16 miles

30 min x-trainer
Calories 148
Miles 3.57

HGPU 34
Knee-Ins 50
Push Ups 80
Bird Dogs 2 x 60s
Side Planks 2 x 60s
Crunches 50

30 min elliptical
Intervals
Calories 294
Miles 2.59

HGPU 40

Pistol Squats 6 ea leg