What's in a Number Anyway?

I'm having a hard time believing that Thanksgiving is just two days away even though I picked up my free frozen 16 lb turkey from the supermarket yesterday. My brain, and all the gym posters, and all the fitness magazines at the grocery checkout counters scream that we ought to be working our little tails off and eating in moderation come the big day. I'm still a bit freaked out about being bigger and heavier (in my mind this occurred really suddenly, like yesterday) so I'm not sure what I can do about the coming Food Apocalypse.

Perhaps my body is getting acclimatized to my cardio regime. I worried about that when I went from 30 minutes to 45 minutes of cardio this time last year. Whoa! It's been a year? Granted that I don't weigh nearly as much and I push a lot more weight, but still I worry about instantly morphing into a soft doughy dumpling as soon as menopause hits me. 45 minutes at hill #5 gives me 4.92 miles and I'm warm but not drenched. I settle into heavy sets for Seated Cable Rows when B comes over to ask me about form and weights.

I tell her that perfect form isn't going to make her stronger. Only lifting heavier, and sometimes you need to compromise "perfect form" to move heavier weights. As long as you don't hurt yourself, or wind up using other muscles when you "cheat", I say it's okay. She seems skeptical and says she'll go ask M who happens to be standing nearby. After conferring with him, she comes over and says, Well, he said what you said. And he smiles and adds, I agree with you absolutely. I think I smile back (I don't always know what my face conveys sometimes). Later, B says, I wasn't calling you out on your form. And I smile and nod Yeah, right.

Todays' Total Workout:
45 min = 4.92 miles
Seated Cable Rows: 12 @ 90 / 3 x 8 @ 120 / 12 @ 90 lbs
Lower Back Extensions: 2 x 25 @ 90 lbs
Cage stretch & kicks
Lat Pull Downs: 12 @ 90 / 5 x 12-10 @ 105 lbs
  (I can't grip the bar anymore by the 10th rep of set 5)
Bent Over Barbell Rows: 18 @ 65 lbs / 5 x 15 @ 70 lbs (I lost count and got carried away at 65 lbs so I moved back up to 70 lbs with the magnetic discs)
Seated Alternating Dumbbell Hammer Curls: 3 x 12 @ 20 lbs
Concentration Curls: 3 x 12 @ 20 lbs
Flat Bench Twisting Sit Ups: 125
Reverse Grip Barbell Curls: 3 x 20 @ 40 lbs
Mat Stretch (today I add a yoga stretch called Twisted Triangle and it's damn hard to do in socks on a smooth mat, so next time I'm either leaving my shoes on, or doing it on the floor)

from Shape.com

I feel big, and the fact that my arms look smooth and my face looks puffy doesn't help me any. A woman in the locker room tells me that my back looks really impressive and she uses the word "ripped" but I know I'm not "ripped" at 19.5% body fat. I'm just big. The scale tells me 111.6 lbs which is a tad better than yesterday but not much. Later B tells me that I'm starting to get that bodybuilder shape, but warns me that I don't want to get too much bigger because I'll look like a guy. No, I don't want that. But I love lifting weights. I love how it feels and I think I should get as muscular and strong as naturally possible before menopause kicks my butt and I won't be able to make muscle or keep my metabolism fired up.

I'm actually kind of surprised that I'm bigger: I'm doing everything naturally possible, like lifting heavy once a week, doing massive reps, not really supplementing except drinking 25 gms of protein via Ensure High Protein right after my workouts, and doing cardio everyday that I do workout. Yup, this completely goes against everything they preach in those fitness magazines. At home, the scale reads 108.4 lbs, 19.5% BF, 51.8 TBW, 39.3% muscle and 4.8 lbs bone. Really? I've put on .2 lbs bone? I suppose if I cut down on butter and red meat, and wine on the weekends, I'd drop the extra 3 lbs of bloat. I'd feel normal. Even now, my clothes feel a tad tight. Egads!