Clothing Insecurities

It's been raining since yesterday and temps have risen, which means it's really humid. Too early in the season to have the a/c blasting at the gym. I know I should dress appropriately in shorts so I can see my knees. Because today is a Pull Day. If I can get on the Smith. I eat too much breakfast though, and feel a tad sluggish once I get to the gym. Besides my usual coffee and skyr yogurt, I scrambled a few eggs. Actually, the dog got most of it because I wasn't really hungry. I had thought to stave off mid-workout hunger pangs, but I need to skip the yogurt to do that... Live and learn.

The ellipticals are all vacant so I hop on the one furthest from the ceiling fan (I hate it blowing on my head as I pedal), and furthest from the ridiculously bright hanging light. There are other lights, but this one sports a super bright halogen bulb and makes me feel like I need sunscreen to be anywhere near it. Afterwards, I stretch, do some pull ups and completely skip core. There are 45s still on the bar at the abandoned Smith. Ugh. Whatever. I haven't had enough sleep and that's also impeding my ability to pull today. I only get as far as 160 lbs. And only up to 8 reps for a set. Part of the problem is that I suddenly feel extremely self-conscious in my gym clothes under the bright lights at the Smith.

For some reason, my sports bra and tank are colluding against me. At home, my clothes looked okay, but my house has bad lighting and mirrors that are not optimally placed. It's another matter at the gym. The bra's padded inserts don't sit smoothly, which has the unintended effect of making me look naked under my tank. Ugh! The thick elastic waist of my "boy gym shorts" shows through the body of the tank, giving it a weird lumpy appearance. Double ugh. I have to suck it up and ignore my insecurities. I hate it when my clothes seem too revealing! Part of this, I'm sure, is because I grew up with my mother constantly picking at my appearance, starting with, "If only...." If only I had better skin, if only I were taller, thinner, bustier, more girly... Ugh. It's hard to erase childhood insecurities even now in middle-age. I should've just worn what I wore yesterday, but I wanted to see my leg positioning, so I wanted shorts. And shorts are always iffy with me, because I have big thighs and I don't relish having to pull the pant legs down all the freakin' time. Seriously.

I'm having a hard time with the heavier RDLs. I never pull 170 lbs because I can't get enough reps at 160. My hands hurt at the callouses. My right knee whines a bit until I change my foot position. Then my left knee starts to complain. WTF? But it's mostly my hands that are bothering me. And I'm actually sore all throughout my shoulders and upper chest. Oh yeah... yesterday's workout has caught up with me. With a lighter workout, I don't think twice about moving weights the next day. But now that I'm practicing a bit of muscle confusion, I might have to schedule "rest" days in between. Rest as in non-weight pulling days. I'd still do a cardio/bodyweight routine.

Between sets, I sit on my haunches to tap into my phone. Normally this only causes my shins and heels to go a little numb. Eventually. Today, squatting ATG (ass-to-grass) actually makes me feel more tired, not less. Super weird. I keep the Versa Gripps on for RG BB Rows even though the weight isn't all that heavy. My hands are tired though. I'm happy I don't lose my grip during the One-Arm Seated Cable rows. I think about doing another set of pull ups and decide that I need a little cardio first, just to warm up again. Because I'm cold. Not that I feel cold, but I can tell that the muscles have cooled down and I need them warmer.

A few minutes on the Step Mill should do the trick. I should've upped the level to 6 but stuck it out with 5. I only start sweating during the last 2 minutes. Good enough. I'm a teensy bit worried about not being able to do any pull ups at all, but this second set doesn't feel too awful. I'm surprised. And happy. The gym scale tells me 112.6 lbs. Not good at all! I've stopped using My Fitness Pal, but I should probably go back to it. Yeah, there was that nasty data breach, but I've since changed my password, and I don't connect with anyone or any apps anyway so I'm probably no worse off than I am with FB.

Last night I got excited to check out some new TV programming. Okay, some of it has been airing since last year so not totally new... but I had some favorite characters in the long running The Good Wife. Not the main character. She got what she deserved. But I was happy to see the red-haired wilding girl (Rose Leslie) from Game of Thrones surface as a lead in The Good Fight. And who doesn't love Christine Baranski? (She's priceless as Leonard's mother in The Big Bang, and Cybill Shepherd's sidekick in the 90s show Cybill.) The show is a decent legal drama. I'll probably continue to watch it. I wish I could say the same for the new Alan Cummings vehicle, Instinct. I wanted to really like this show. The Cummings character, Eli Gold was scene-stealing mesmerizing. But the new show is poorly written and too light-weight for its theme. It's trying to be Mind Hunter light, but is closer to Murder She Wrote. I don't think it's going to last very long unless Dr. Dylan Reinhart finally figures out what character he's actually playing. He wears nice clothes though...

Lastly, there's The Resident. It's good to see Matt Czuchry (Cary Agos) as a mature fellow. But I was somewhat taken aback at the premise, since The Resident isn't about Czuchry's character. Or rather, it is. But he's not a resident. He's the doc in charge of the residents, a break-the-rules-because-he's-smarter-than-everyone-else-guy. Not quite House. (Certainly not Hugh Laurie. Kind of glad his latest venture, Chance, got cancelled. Too weird.) Not sure if this one will last either. But it has a stellar cast, especially Bruce Greenwood as the aloof, narcissistic head of surgery. But I think I'd rather watch The Good Doctor instead. Daniel Dae Kim's adaptation of an award-winning South Korean production with Bates Motel star Freddie Highmore. And there are other really fun shows independent of TGW, like Santa Clarita Diet with Drew Barrymore and Tim Olyphant (Justified). Now that one's worth watching.



Pull Wednesday

30 elliptical
Program 1
Calories 281
Miles 2.50
Average Heart Rate 149 / 198

HGPU 26

Smith RDLs
Bar (30) x 15
80 x 12
120 x 12
140 x 12
160 x 6
160 x 8*
160 x 6
*resting ATG squat is oddly tiring

Smith RG BB Rows
80lbs x 25 reps x 3 sets

Seated 1-Arm Cable Rows
45lbs x 12 reps x 3 sets

15 min StepMill
Level 5
Calories 103
Total Steps 685
Floors 42

HGPU 26