Why I'll Never Be a Personal Trainer

I've often toyed with the idea of making money from something that I spend a lot of time doing and researching. I'm constantly reading and viewing articles on nutrition, health, fitness, exercise and assorted related issues. I've been on the verge of subscribing to fitness certification programs, but when I think harder about what this entails, it's not the work and studying that deters me. It's people. I'm not a "people person" by nature, and every cheerful, smiley conversation I have with a stranger is something that I've had to practice internally. It's a role to be donned like a costume, to be removed and stored for safe-keeping when not necessary. I can't imagine doing this every day. I can't imagine having to be doormat nice, smiling and nodding to ill-informed and rude people.

Maybe I am getting old, but I was brought up with a certain sense of decorum. In a public space, you do not put your feet where people sit. You do not drape your sweaty body across the entire bench in a locker room while plugged into your phone. It's an act when I use a soft quiet voice to be overly polite with a smile. And when I'm tired and rushed, I'm not in the mood to put on the act. I get out of the shower and a HS girl is draped over the bench in front of my locker. I give her a few moments while I put a bit of cream on my face. When I'm aware of someone near me, I automatically clear space for them. Because that's the polite thing to do. She lays there. I tell her to move. None of this "Excuse me, can you please scoot over a bit?" because, honestly, she should know better.

She starts yelling about how rude I'm being to her. And I yell right back. She resorts to stating that I'm old so I shouldn't be so rude. I tell her, that's right I'm old, and she should know better. Her sarcasm does nothing but make me want to spank her. She tells me I'm twice her age, and I think to myself, Well, that makes me about 12 since she's acting like a 6 yr old. In truth, I'm probably more than 3x her age. She drapes herself over the next bench while a meek middle-aged woman is retrieving her clothes from another locker. The girl makes a big show of moving, but the woman says, "Oh no, you're fine." But I know the girl wouldn't've moved if it weren't for this row we're having. The girl yells about being tired after working out and all I can think is, "Well, you're really out of shape". But I don't resort to that. When more women come in, the girl leaves the locker room, yelling the entire time.

I'm tired of this schizophrenic society that says woman should be meek and smiley, but HS brats are okay to perpetuate bad behavior. I'm pretty sure this is the girl who sat down on the bench this summer, said "Oh, I got my period!" and got up, leaving blood all over the bench, which she didn't acknowledge nor wipe down. Gross. These people grow up driving in through the exits because the entrance is too far away, leave gum on the side of the ellipticals because it's too inconvenient to toss it in the trash, think they're too cute to be wrong about anything. Ugh. I hate being at the gym when school is on break, when there are high-schoolers in the locker room. The only solution is to get here earlier. If I had to deal with them on a daily basis, I'm sure bodily harm would be inflicted.

But I did have a kick-ass workout even if it was abbreviated. My son is off from school and my hubs thinks he'll be home tonight for a late supper. It's Christmas Eve. The gym is really warm and humid and I wonder if they ever got the new A/C installed. 65F for December in NY is ridiculous, but will be remedied by early next week when temps drop low enough to precipitate snow and ice. I do my 10 min warm up, then whack the Nexersys, decreasing the rounds as I progress in difficulty. I'm trying to ignore the phantom bleeps that flash but aren't actual strikes. They seem to be residual targets, like echos from a Sweep or Kick. It's probably a loose sensor in the bottom half of the machine because Jabs, Cross, Hooks and Elbows don't have this effect. Still, it's a great workout. My lungs are burning and I'm panting by the end of the session, just like true HIIT cardio: three minute rounds with 1 minute rest in between.

I won't be going to the gym until some time next week so Merry Christmas. And although it's unlikely that I'll skip the gym until 2016, Happy New Year (just in case)!

Elliptical Training

Warm Up

Calorie :   95 CAL
Distance: 0.84 mile
Duration : 00:10:00

KickBoxing

Lap/Rep :  12 Lap/Rep
Duration : 00:48:00

Photos posted for actual stats:

5r Beginner

4r Intermediate

3r Advance

Thwarted by Details

Today I remember to take the loratadine before I go to the gym, but I'm sure it's slowing me down. I'm a bit tired from yesterday's workout, but since I'm not suffering from any major DOMS, I figure I'm good to go. However, I'm still so tired that I don't notice until it's too late that I have brought two different workout shoes. One is mesh and one is leather. At least they're both black. And both Asics brand. I don't even think anyone will notice, except me.

My workout is fairly routine, starting off with 30 min on the cross-trainer for warm up and cardio. Shaggy is on the adjacent machine, but I have my hoodie pulled low over my face. I think he's got a gold stud in his ear, like he's a dang pirate. I change the channel of the attached video monitor to SyFy because there's usually a dark movie on at this time in the morning. Not that I'm watching. I just don't like the bright screens of most of the shows flashing in my face when I work out. If I can turn the monitor off, I do but that's only possible with the Precor ellipticals. The TV screens on the LifeFitness cross-trainers don't seem to have an Off button. When the monitor gets really hinky and threatens to evoke epileptic seizures, I toss a towel or hoodie over it. Because it's just too damn distracting.

I'm really happy that my stomach isn't bothering me and I've been able to return to hammer grip pull ups. I'm not brave enough to add another set yet though because the last time I did, well, that's when all the trouble developed with gallbladder/abdominal pain. I've viewed my lab results from this past Autumn and everything seems okay, with just a touch elevated ALT at 37 (range 0-32) suggesting some past liver or gallbladder distress, and high-end of normal for serum glucose, chloride and sodium. But my VLDL (Very Low-Density Lipoprotein) seems really good at 13 (range is 5-40), and HDLs are okay at 77. The LDLs are a tad high at 100 (range is 0-99), but Triglycerides are good at 67 (range 0-149). I'd like to think I'm pretty healthy for a 55 yr old woman. I'll probably outlive my social security benefits, if a car doesn't fall out of the sky and kill me first.

I do the same push up and plank routine I did on Monday. I do the same DB routine too, except this time my adjustable bench is in the Smith rack. I wish short, fat guys would stop hovering close to me. What do they think? that I'm seriously going to start talking to them, because, what? I don't even talk to the buff guy who comes in to bench on the breaker bench behind me. His long-sleeve camo T seems to be painted on his body builder torso. He's got well-defined pecs, chiseled V-taper and broad shoulders. Sweat pants hang baggy though so he's probably not squatting as much as he should. He does a few light sets so I assume he's cutting for a show, and not pressing heavy. A big guy like that looks odd doing only 1 plate (per side). It's only 135 lbs. I've benched 135 lbs.

I actually don't know if I'll ever go back to benching. I'm getting older and my joints aren't getting any younger. I don't miss the uncertainty of whether I'm going to injure my shoulder. When I do lateral raises, I can see striations in my front delts. Am I getting stringy? When I switch to 25 lbs, my first thought is Dang this is heavy! But eventually it gets easier. Even though I'm getting tired. Weird. I'm just trying to build muscular endurance in my shoulders to aid my kickboxing. It hasn't happened, but it'd really suck to not keep your arms up just because your shoulders are tired.

Finally I'm ready to try Renegade Rows, but realize to my dismay, that all the DBs have round plate edges. Which means they roll. It's impossible to balance yourself on a pair of them in the plank position. Luckily, there are those plastic, fun-colored beauty bells with angled edges. The heaviest ones are 15 lbs so those are the ones I use. They're too light to do anything for my back or arms, but maintaining the plank position does some core and leg work. Eventually, I might do this workout at home because we have angle-edged DBs in the garage. The hovering short, fat guy seems perplexed. I'm not about to enlighten him. My JeFit app doesn't even have Renegade Rows listed, but I'm not surprised. It doesn't list a lot of exercises. I'll just punch in One-Arm Rows and fix it later.

I'm horrified at all the people who do odd things that can really hurt them, like seated toe-touching with legs straight out in front of you. That's a recipe for lower back damage. I see a woman doing just that, and I'm tempted to warn her, but I really don't want to get into a conversation. Most women get so embarrassed and self-conscious that I'm afraid to tell them anything. Yes, I know. It's because I'm such a bad-ass. Who's wearing mismatched shoes.

After another set of pull ups, I do 30 min of Intervals on the elliptical. It's extremely humid in the gym and I'm drenched halfway through the workout. I turn the television monitor off at this machine so I can focus on my pace. I tend to lag when I'm staring at programs instead of the task at hand. Another set of pull ups, a hamstring stretch, some pistol squats, splits and more stretching. I see R and hand him a holiday card. He's putting his condo up for sale and hopes to be moving by next April although he's not sure just where yet. He doesn't want to rush into something, not with his brand new family. I tell him I'll miss him. He seems tickled.

The gym scale reads 106.6 lbs. I'm sure the scale is broken. Although I'm starving at the moment, I did have my instant coffee, and a bowl of Greek-style yogurt with maple syrup. That reminds me. Need to buy more maple syrup, more Greek-style yogurt. And more instant espresso. Like I've said before, I seem to weigh less on days I eat that for breakfast instead of oatmeal, egg and (frozen) pomegranates (or blueberries). It's a mystery. Tomorrow I have my son in tow as school is over until next year. My hubs was suppose to be home yesterday, but things have gone awry and he hopes to be home tomorrow. I've saved several packages of dark-chocolate-covered espresso beans to fuel the midnight wrapping Santa needs to finish before Christmas morning.

Wednesday Workout
(6.43 miles total cardio)

Cross Trainer

Warm Up

Calorie :   129 CAL
Distance: 3.76 mile
Speed :    7.58 mph
Duration : 00:30:00

Hammer Grip Pull Up

165

Set 1 : 110x15

Wide Hand Pushup

50

Set 1 : 50 Lap/Rep
Set 2 : 50 Lap/Rep

Regular Plank

Straight : 00:00:30
Elbow : 00:00:30
Straight : 00:00:30
Elbow: 00:00:30

Diamond Push Up

Set 1 : 50 Lap/Rep

Side Plank

Elbow : 00:00:30
Straight : 00:00:30
Elbow : 00:00:30
Straight : 00:00:30

Dand Push Up

Set 1 : 50 Lap/Rep

Bird Dog Plank

Left : 00:00:30
Right : 00:00:30
Left : 00:00:30
Right : 00:00:30

One-Leg Push Up

Left : 60 Lap/Rep
Right : 60 Lap/Rep

Dumbbell Lateral Raise

35

Set 1 : 20x12
Set 2 : 20x12
Set 3 : 20x12
Set 4 : 25x8
Set 5 : 25x10
Set 6 : 25x12 SuperSet with

Dumbbell Reverse Flyes

37.5

Set 1 : 20x15
Set 2 : 20x15
Set 3 : 20x15
Set 4 : 25x12
Set 5 : 25x15
Set 6 : 25x15

Renegade Row

Set 1 : 15x12 (per side)
Set 2 : 15x12
Set 3 : 15x12

Hammer Grip Pull Up

165

Set 1 : 110x15

Elliptical Training

Intervals

Calorie :   306 CAL
Distance: 2.67 mile
Duration : 00:30:00

Hammer Grip Pull Up

165

Set 1 : 110x15

One Leg Bodyweight Squat

139.33

Set 1 : 110x8

Happy Winter Solstice

Today, December 22nd, is the official start of the Winter Season in the Northeast. It doesn't feel like winter in New York though, as temps are expected to climb to the mid 70s by Christmas Day. Heck, I wonder what it's going to be like in Florida! Of course, all this warm weather brings precipitation in the form of fog and rain. It's still dreary outside, and a bit chilly, but I'm thankful it's not snowing. I'm certain that fate awaits us after the New Year.

Meanwhile, I get to the gym, get my 10 min warm up done and wrap my hands to whack the machine. I'm pissed off because my brother has sent several nasty emails demanding to know where my gifts for his kids are. His kids are in college, and have, for the past several years, received Chinese "red envelopes" with cash. It's all they want. I mailed them out yesterday with the Holiday Card I got printed at the CVS. I spent hours on Sunday finding appropriate photos, editing and merging them to make a humorous card, then uploaded the file to CVS to print on photo paper, and provide envelopes. This whole process takes a while. True, my brother sent my son both birthday and Christmas gifts before we left for Florida, but that was his prerogative.

True, I didn't tell my brother we were going to Florida, but in truth, I don't tell him much of anything. He's too wildly emotionally unstable and verbally abusive to maintain close ties with. My sister has stopped speaking with him completely even though her daughter and his daughter had been close. My brother conveniently claims not to remember why she's mad at him. But by the time my workout is over, I'm feeling much better. My sister-in-law emails an apology, explaining that my brother is in a bad mood because it's our father's death anniversary. I thought that was tomorrow, actually, and while I do miss my dad, it's not ruining my day. My sister misses my mom more than my dad. I miss my dad more than my mom, but actually, most of my fondest childhood memories are not of my parents, but of my grandmother. Then again, I was her favorite grandchild. We all have different relationships and attachments to our family members that others just can't understand or relate to.

Back to kickboxing the machine. There is only one round that leaves me so breathless that I'm still panting as the next round starts, and that is round 4 at the Intermediate Level. I'm still working hard at the Advance Level... some combinations continue to flummox me. But I'm sweaty happy when I'm done. After unwrapping my hands, I do 15 minutes on the Step Mill. The gym is warm and humid (because who runs A/C in December?) so the doors are open, and I actually don't put my hoodie back on. Then a quick stretch. The gym scale reads 107.6 lbs. I'm good with that. I seem to weigh less on days where I eat Greek-style yogurt and maple syrup for breakfast. I'm not sure why.

I'm having trouble remembering to take the generic Claritin® (loratadine) antihistamine. It's only when I start to scratch my neck or forearms that I remember I'm suppose to take it 2X a day even though the dosing says once daily. It's making me tired in the morning, like I haven't had enough sleep. The app Sleep Cycle says my sleep was a tiny bit better than the night before. Sure doesn't feel like it. My neck and forearms are still red, rough and itchy. I hope I'm not developing something nasty like psoriasis, an autoimmune disorder which my dad had, and my sis has in a lesser fashion. I read an article linking bodily inflammation with not only chronic ailments like heart disease and diabetes, but also, now (drum roll please), depression. The cure? Stress-relief, omega-3s, and exercise. Of course...

Tuesday Workout

Elliptical Training

Warm Up

Calorie :   98 CAL
Distance: 0.86 mile
Duration : 00:10:00

KickBoxing

Lap/Rep :  15 Lap/Rep
Duration : 01:00:00

Step Machine

Calorie :   118 CAL
Lap/Rep :  50 Lap/Rep
Duration : 00:15:00

Photos posted for actual stats:

5 rounds Beginner

5 rounds Intermediate

5 rounds Advance

Holiday Prep

I figure I can get 3-4 days at the gym this week, depending on what day my hubs gets back from Boston. At this point, he's not even sure what day he's coming home. Today I have the luxury of a full workout, but I'm not inclined to spend all day at the gym... too many pre-holiday errands! Last night I discovered that I didn't have enough wrapping paper, and one of the clear plastic bags those luscious assorted caramels are housed in, split open when it slipped out of my hand as I was removing them from the fridge. Egads! Luckily I could stuff the caramels into little holiday gift boxes I got last year, but they need to be secured with ribbons. I need ribbons. I need colored tissue papers too. I need to go to the store, where I will spend waaaay too much money, and invariably forget something.

Regardless, I go to the gym and do my 30 min of cross-trainer, stretch, do a set of pull ups, and then endless push ups and planks. I decided to do Wide Hand Push Ups for the first two sets to ensure that I was getting the full stretch out of the movement. I concede that I tend to "cheat" a bit when I'm going for reps by not extending my arms fully at the top of the movement. Wider hands takes that type of cheating out of the equation, but it also means I can't do 100 reps straight. Instead I have to break it down into sets of 50. And I have to fix my Diamond Push Ups. Again, I'm only coming halfway up for each rep. I find it hard on my right elbow to extend fully so maybe I'll play with hand positions. All these reps have an effect though, because I've got quite the pump in my arms and chest.

The planks are standard alternating elbow and straight arm for regular and side plank, but I keep the bird dog simple with a bent knee for all sets. When I get to the free weight area, I see several clusters of guys hanging out by the DBs. No available benches. Ugh. I grab the adjustable inclined bench by the Smith and drag it into the Max Rack. I can do my DB lateral raises and Reverse Flyes here. I almost don't recognize Shaggy because he's gotten a trim and shaved his face, probably to visit his mom for the holidays. The beard was hiding a weak chin. He's still squinting like he's smoked too much pot. Clean shaven, he looks even more like a sad middle-aged guy. Maybe if he got a real haircut instead of sporting a Beatles do? I'd like to take a selfie with the DBs and this dramatic lighting, but Shaggy keeps hovering nearby, as if he's expecting me to suddenly notice him. Honestly, I try not to notice anyone, except the hot guys and chicks, and even with them, I don't make a big show of looking. That's just not who I am.

I get in two more sets of Hammer Grip Pull Ups and another 30 minutes on the elliptical before a good Mat Stretch. I'm toying with the idea of Renegade Rows. An article in T-nation (tnation.com) states you should be able to pull half your body weight but I'm pretty sure the article is geared toward muscle-head guys. Still, I'm curious to know whether I can pull a 55 lb DB in a Renegade Row. I used to be able to do One-Arm Rows, going for 6-10 reps at up to 60 lbs, but I also had the use of VGs (VersaGrips) and a good sturdy bench. I don't think I can do the row from what amounts to a plank position. Maybe I'll just start low, with maybe a 20 lb DB?

Tomorrow I get to whack the machine. I just have to remember to double pad my right first knuckle.

Monday Workout
(6.76 miles total cardio)

Cross Trainer

Steady State

Calorie :   141 CAL
Distance: 4.12 mile
Speed :    8.24 mph
Duration : 00:30:00

Hammer Grip Pull Up

165

Set 1 : 110x15

Wide Hand Pushup

50

Set 1 : 50 Lap/Rep
Set 2 : 50 Lap/Rep

Plank

Elbow : 00:00:30
Straight : 00:00:30
Elbow : 00:00:30
Straight : 00:00:30

Diamond Push Up

50

Set 1 : 50 Lap/Rep

Side Plank

Elbow : 00:00:30
Straight : 00:00:30
Elbow : 00:00:30
Straight : 00:00:30

Hindu Push Up

50

Set 1 : 50 Lap/Rep

Bird Dog Plank

Right : 00:00:30
Left : 00:00:30
Right : 00:00:30
Left : 00:00:30

One Leg Push Up

Right : 50 Lap/Rep
Left: 50 Lap/Rep

Dumbbell Lateral Raise

35

Set 1 : 20x12
Set 2 : 20x12
Set 3 : 20x12
Set 4 : 25x8
Set 5 : 25x8
Set 6 : 25x12 SuperSet with

Dumbbell Reverse Flyes

37.5

Set 1 : 20x15
Set 2 : 20x15
Set 3 : 20x15
Set 4 : 25x12
Set 5 : 25x12
Set 6 : 25x15

Hammer Grip Pull Up

165

Set 1 : 110x15

Elliptical Training

Prgm #1

Calorie :   302 CAL
Distance: 2.64 mile
Duration : 00:30:00

Hammer Grip Pull Up

165

Set 1 : 110x15

Gift Horse

Today is my 3rd day this week working out and it's an abbreviated one because I'd forgotten I had a follow-up appt with my primary doc. Yesterday I had a follow-up appt with my eye doc, who is not the glaucoma specialist. (Great news! my IOPs are 10 and 14! but that funky yellow tint I see in my left eye is due to teeny tiny cataracts. Boo!) Yesterday was also a school half-day, so no gym time. Wednesday I worked a few hours wrapping assorted caramels for the Holiday rush. I even got to bring some luscious leftovers home! Can anyone say Salted Dark Chocolate Caramels?

I'm determined to get most of my cardio in today and figure that I need to leave with enough time to compensate for the traffic delays that road work brings. So I cut my cardio time by 10 minutes and totally skip the DBs today. It's enough that I get two sessions of cardio (30 and 20 min), and a lot of pull ups, push ups and planks. I'm really tired by the time I attempt my 3rd set of pull ups, but I still manage to squeak out the last 3. But I'm really surprised that the gym scale reads 107.2 lbs. I already know that if I drink an apple ale or two with supper every night, I don't lose any weight. I did have a few umbrella drinks while on vacation, and ate every lunch and dinner out. Breakfast was vanilla-flavored Greek style yogurt which helped to shield my stomach from morning coffee. I need the caffeine but my stomach is still very sensitive. So I'm back to what I weighed before I went on vacation. That's okay with me!

My doc wants to know how my stomach is. It's fine as long as I'm careful with fat, and spicy foods. I haven't been taking the apple cider vinegar because it gave me wicked heartburn last time, and I already know I have a hiatal hernia and a tendency toward GERD. My sis tells me that our parents were pre-diabetic so now I'm ultra-cautious with fats and sugars. When I complained to my sis about not being able to eat coconut oil (it makes me really ill) she says she rubs it onto her skin after showering. I've been doing that lately too. Much better than eating it!

I complain to my primary about the intermittent itching I feel around my neck. For a long time, I had itching on my belly skin, then my lower back. Now it's starting on my inner forearms and right thigh. She tells me that she suffered the same thing last year, and finally consulted a colleague of hers who happens to be a dermatologist. The advice was to take Claritin® 3x a day for 2 weeks.

My doc argued that the dosage doesn't allow for 3x a day, but the colleague insisted. Instead, my doc took it 2x a day for three weeks. Then once a day for another month. And the itching went away, just as mysteriously as it came. No topical has worked so far for me, not hydrocortisone, not topical Benedryl®, not salves, creams, or antiseptics. The doc suspects an allergic hypersensitivity. "Do this for a few weeks, but here are the names of two dermatologists, just in case." I bought some generic claritin on the way home. I don't want the red, rough skin on my neck (from all the scratching) to become permanent!

Oh yeah, I re-installed Firefox because Safari just isn't great at viewing a lot of sites, especially the weird "postcard" my son sent me from his Mission Mars trip while we were at Disney's Epcot Center!

Friday Workout
(5.53 miles total)

Cross Trainer

Steady State

Calorie :   143 CAL
Distance: 3.78 mile
Speed :    7.55 mph
Duration : 00:30:00

Hammer Grip Pull Up

165

Set 1 : 110x15

Push Up

Regular

Set 1 : 100 Lap/Rep

Plank

Straight

Set 1 : 00:00:30
Set 2 : 00:00:30
Set 3 : 00:00:30
Set 4 : 00:00:30

Push Up

Diamond

Set 1 : 50 Lap/Rep

Plank

Side

Set 1 : 00:00:30
Set 2 : 00:00:30
Set 3 : 00:00:30
Set 4 : 00:00:30

Push Up

Hindu (Dand)

Set 1 : 50 Lap/Rep

Plank

Bird Dog

Set 1 : 00:00:30
Set 2 : 00:00:30
Set 3 : 00:00:30
Set 4 : 00:00:30

Push Up

One-Leg

Set 1 : 50 Lap/Rep
Set 2 : 50 Lap/Rep

Hammer Grip Pull Up

165

Set 1 : 110x15

Elliptical Training

Intervals

Calorie :   200 CAL
Distance: 1.75 mile
Duration : 00:20:00

Hammer Grip Pull Up

165

Set 1 : 110x15