We are creatures of habit, rudimentarily shaped by Nature's Fight or Flight response. Sometimes our heads get the better of us, sowing seeds of doubt which sprouts a different type of fear. It's not the imminent fear of danger but the fear of failure, and if we behave as if it didn't matter, well then, we've saved our pride if nothing else. It's even easier not to try (that hard) than to risk failing. We have a million convenient excuses. "Oh, who can possibly look like a superhero at THAT age," some might sneer. To which I ask, "Have you tried?" And I mean, have you really really deep-in-your-heart tried? Perhaps it's not what you really want then? Or are you afraid? 
Today's is Monday and a Heavy Bench day probably all over the civilized world. The gym feels humid and warm, but I still have my hoodie zipped up and my iPod blaring. A young woman is peddling the "tractor" again and I have to assume that she prefers it because the other two ellipticals are free. I hop on my favorite Precor and punch in program Hill #5. I've been a complete slug the entire weekend, not even venturing out of my pajamas on Saturday. Sunday was my husband's birthday and we got cups of gelato, followed by groceries so I could make him a birthday dinner of Chinese-style beef with tomatoes (with oyster sauce and beef broth over noodles). Now I'm stiff and slightly breathless as I peddle furiously just to maintain a 195 Strides Per Minute pace. I didn't drink or eat all that much this weekend, although I've become pleasantly acquainted with the Stella Artois version of hard cider. At 170 calories, it's less damaging than Angry Orchard (200 per bottle). An online search informs me that Red's Apple Ale is even less, at 165 calories. But the difference between a brewed ale and fermented hard cider is lost on me. What's not lost on me is how much I'm enjoying my revised Short Cardio Playlist and I manage to log in a tad over 4 miles. Yay!  |
| I'm not seeing much obvious change. |
I know I can just turn my wrists and the bar will set on the rack but I really want to push the bar back to its start point. I finish the set but I'm unnerved enough to consider doing drop sets now, or maybe even asking someone for a spot. Nixon is alternating with another fellow using a bench the next station over. But I resist the urge to ask him. And I resist the urge to pull plates off the bar. Instead, I consider doing the next set quicker, and not quite so deep. I do this to regain my confidence that I can actually handle the weight. Doubt is corrosive and needs to be neutralized ASAP! The 2nd set felt more like a normal set. And the 3rd set wasn't quite as quick and not quite as deep as the 1st, but it still felt controlled. The drop sets come easily now and I leave the bench feeling better. Perhaps because there's nothing worse than fear. Except doubt.
After Cage Stretch I grab a pair of 2.5 lb magnetic discs to use on the 25 lb dumbbells. I've been meaning to up my weights and drop my reps. Small delicate joints like shoulders and elbows require small, patient increases. I baby my lower back by using the Inclined Bench for Rear Delt Raises. After a warm up set of 15 reps, I gingerly add the discs and knock out 5 more sets at 8 reps. It's the amount of reps I can do comfortably so I wonder if I can handle 30 lb dumbbells in the 4-6 rep range. But I don't want to get ahead of myself. My joints have always been my weak points. For my last set, I do as many reps until I can't. It's 12. Maybe I should up the weight again. Next week. I can do this next week.
I'm less confident with the standing Lateral DB Raises. My arms and shoulders are already tired so I compromise by doing 3 sets of 12 with just the DB, and then another 3 sets of 8 with the added weight. I'm thinking about how relaxing sit ups will be when I grab the 40 lb BB for Upright Rows. Then I add the discs and do another 3 sets. I feel toasted. Sit ups are such a relief that I knock out 200 on the flat bench, and do another 100 crunches on the "ABench" station. Finally it's time for Mat Stretch! Yay! There's two old guys on the Mats but I don't care and position myself on the front mat. As long as I'm plugged in, I'm oblivious to everyone around me. I know that they're there, but I just don't care. The Mayor, Nixon, M, B, Mo, Hoodie Tattoo, Ranger Rick, Skinny Blonde, R. I don't see anything but the mat and where I need my feet to be.
The gym scale reads 110.2 lbs. Not awful considering I'd just sucked down the entire 1.5 liters of water. The hot shower feels so good that it's with great difficulty that I start tuning the hot down and the cold water up. When I go to leave, I see R at the cables by the Cage Stretch so I stop to say Hi and Bye to him. He's grimacing as I approach but smiles when I get his attention. I'm probably smiling too because I'm showered and dressed and got the rest of my day to run errands and stuf. It's a nice way to end the workout.
Today's Fear of Failure Workout:
35 min hill #5 = 4.05 miles Yay!
Smith Bench Press: 12 @ bar / 12 @ 95 / 10 @ 115 / 8 @ 135 / 3 x 6 @ 155 / 12 @ 135 / 15 @ 115 / 25 @ 95 lbs
Cage Stretch with BW Heel Dips and Side Kicks
Inclined Rear DB Raises: 15 @ 25 lbs / 5 x 8 @ 27.5 lbs / 12 @ 27.5 lbs
Standing Lateral DB Raises: 3 x 12 @ 25 lbs / 3 x 8 @ 27.5 lbs
BB Upright Rows: 15 @ 40 lbs / 3 x 12 @ 45 lbs
Flat Bench Twisting Sit Ups: 200
Ab Crunch Station: 100
Torso Twist Machine: 2 x 25 @ 50 lbs
Mat Stretch with splits and Dive Bomber Push Ups (5 hands under shoulders + 3 hands under waist)
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