Yanking Weeds Instead of Weights

stock photo: Oriental Bittersweet

On the days that are rainy and dreary, I've had little incentive to work out in the garage or the yard. On days that are bright and sunny, I'd rather be outside in spite of the newly emerged biting gnats and pesky flying creatures that dive-bomb every orifice. It's those days that I've chosen to don a hat or scarf, sunglasses, long sleeve jacket, gloves and boots, and cutting shears.

The mission? To extricate and eliminate every woody vine twirling about my hedges and slithering into the maple in the front yard. In past years, I've been too late, when the privets have flowered and leafed. This year, bored by our confinement, I've noticed how the oriental bittersweet can be discerned not only by texture and viny shape but by the reddish-brown color of their bark. Vines have crept up the hedges and attached themselves to some of the southern-facing branches of our red maple. Without leaves, it's easy to trace the snakey vines upward into the tangle of branches. They aren't hairy vines like poison ivy. Whew!

stock photo

I cut vines as close to the ground as possible, wrap the vine around my hand and arm and then pull with my entire bodyweight. It's quite the workout. Vines often fork overhead and tendrils can extend for several feet. Ultimately, it's very satisfying to feel the vine succumb as you tumble backward with yards and yards of whiplike material. Thursday I cleared most the driveway hedges by myself. Yesterday, I got my husband into the fun. He's taller and stronger, so the obvious choice for muscling the snakey growth out of the canopy overhead. This morning, my son came out to help me with some of the hedges facing the road. After 90 minutes of sweaty exertion, we were satisfied with the bundle of vines we carted away. Really thick woody vines can't be peeled away so I just sever them from their roots and wait for them to disintegrate over time.

It's not the same as doing 30 plus minutes on the elliptical, crunches, planks and pull-ups. But it's nice to be outside, doing something useful. Schools and gyms might be closed for another month (who knows?), and I've decided that that might be enough time for me to tackle actually lopping the hedges down to a manageable height with hand-held clippers and shears, and a ladder. And probably bug spray. I'll still be visiting the garage for workouts though.

We are abiding by the CDC recommendation to wear face masks in public places like grocery stores. Cotton bandanas and hair ties are quick and easy, but are extremely uncomfortable (pulls on my tender ears) and hot with several layers of cloth catching my breath. Still, it's disconcerting to see so many (mostly middle-aged men) people blithely oblivious to everything except their own needs as they shop and touch literally everything.

Weekends are the worst time to shop. My son was incredulous at the empty shelves where flour and sugar used to be. Also sold out: paper towels, toilet paper, seltzer, eggs, and oatmeal. We went to the store because my son has class assignments. For German language class, he needed to make a German food item. He decided on Kirschenmichel (bread pudding with sour cherries). The recipe calls for artisanal bread (to go stale) soaked in milk and eggs before baking. No jarred sour cherries so off to the farm store the next town over because I know they have brandied cherries for sale. We can just soak the brandy out and it'll be fine.