New Tricks for Old Dogs

My girlfriend tells me she bought two tickets to see The Heart of Robin Hood at the Boscobel Shakespeare Festival. It's not really Shakespeare, but promises to be fun if the weather holds up. Severe thunderstorm warning are in effect for tomorrow. She tells me that I'll have to age a couple of dozen years to pass as a Senior Citizen, but hopefully they won't be checking IDs too carefully. I haven't had to look older since I was a kid. Technically, a senior is at least 65 years old. I'm 58 so that's less than a dozen years away, but of course, my friend is 70 so I'm a kid compared to her. AARP tries to seduce you into their fold at age 50, but the price for getting all those discounts is that they sell your name to countless marketers of hearing aids, incontinence pads, walkers and funeral plots. Good grief!

Still, I'm no "spring chicken" and can be pretty set in my ways. The last 6 weeks has been an eye-opener for me, showing me just how little exercise I can get away with and still maintain a reasonable weight. I was convinced that I'd balloon up and pop out of all my clothes, but that hasn't happened. I'm so relieved. However, I'm fairly certain that I've lost strength and endurance. It's really hot today, the humidity makes the air feel thick, and there's an air quality alert. Well, there goes my plans to weedwack parts of the yard. I'm tired of looking at the big pile of split logs in front of the garage, but I have to clear the overgrown empty racks before I can stack. I had the logs split last Autumn as a present to my husband. He makes a lot of grand plans, but the follow through is a bit lacking most of the time. Gee, that seems oddly familiar. Cue: reference to Hoarders TV show.

Now I'm planning to stack wood so I can finally get the dumpster we've been talking about to clean out the garage. I guess binge-watching Hoarders has had an effect on me. And not just the resolve to clear up a lot of clutter. After watching the familial interactions of dozens of mentally-ill people, I've discovered a few personal insights as well. Both my hubs and I have the hoarder mentality: saving things because we can use them later, whether we actually do or not. I grew up with a grandmother who had lived through the Depression and both World Wars. She saved paper bags, wrapping paper, all sorts of jars, clipped coupons, redeemed booklets of S&H Green Stamps (which apparently still have value!) to buy shopping carts and umbrellas, baked her own pastries, sewed her own clothes. Of course, she was only 4' 8" so clothes were impossible for her to find, and with such tiny feet, she hoarded any shoes she could find that would fit her. I don't really have any of those excuses. But I constantly feel guilty about tossing things away. My husband has other issues and insecurities that have nothing to do with grandparents. At least this week he and my son are away at Boy Scout Camp, enjoying outdoor life, bugs, sweat and camaraderie.

I get to the gym around noon and am surprised to see how crowded the cardio deck is, with folks on most of the treadmills and cross-trainers. I get on an elliptical. There's a mother and son on the first two ellipticals, and the third one doesn't actually have a reliable console to tell you how fast you're going or what program you're doing. The one I use has a slight thump that I eventually stop noticing. The only thing I'm annoyed with is that the heart rate monitor says it's reading your pulse because the red heart symbol is pulsing, but there are no actual numbers. When I'm done, I feel warm and sweaty.

At the Stretch Cage I feel slightly nauseous and I suspect it's because I drank a dose of SuperBeets® right after my morning coffee. Tomorrow I'll try drinking it earlier (like before I walk the dog) to see if that changes anything. I don't feel any more energized drinking it and the nausea is disconcerting. Luckily, it only lasts for 10 minutes, as I'm doing planks and push ups in the other room. But not before I finish with pull ups. Today I get 20, and although it was a little stressful, I wasn't winded when I got done. I don't want to puke on the mat while doing push ups so I only do 30. I have to adjust my left elbow with each rep because of the painful clicking. Finally I find a good angle but I'm not sure I can replicate it tomorrow without a lot of trial and error. Ugh.

Today is my first solo day back and I'm easing into a "normal" Push routine. Which means light weights for everything, including the Smith Inclined Press. I have to drag the bench away from the wall and it suddenly occurs to me that this is why there's a big hole under the mirror. Because idiots have slammed the bench into the wall trying to get it into position. Ugh. I'm definitely weaker than I used to be. Luckily I think I'm looking at surgery for the right eye in September, so that gives me 6 weeks to recover some if not all my endurance and strength. Am I being overly optimistic?

There are a lot more women in the free weight area today, and I'm pleased with that. I see a few regulars, one guy with his noodle-arm son. No Mayor. Whew! I added a few songs to my playlist because I got some digital currency back from Amazon in exchange for No-Rush shipping. Which means I can get a few MP3s for free. Of course, I'm like a teenager with my music choices so now there's pop hits like Shawn Mendes (Stitches, It's In My Blood) and Train's Play That Song. Whatever makes me happy and willing to keep moving, right?

I drop my DB superset down to a pair of 15s because I don't want to risk injury by using weight I'm not prepared for. I think about doing Seated DB Laterals and then realize that the weights have to be soooo much lighter to do that. That's silly. I stand up, and only sit down for the Bent Over Reverse Flyes, resting my chest in my lap as I perch at the edge of a flat bench. I should probably keep my back straight, but being short means my legs don't sit flat on the floor in front of me. It's too awkward and I can't keep my balance, so I drop my torso to focus on the delts. I put one DB back and consider doing Tricep DB Extensions, but I don't trust the left elbow. So I put the other DB back as well. Instead, I grab a 30 lb solid BB and do Rip Skulls. Halfway through the 3rd set, I feel my left elbow start to complain. Well, at least I wasn't wrestling with the 40.

There's still no replacement for the big blue stretch mats so I retreat to the classroom. There are sporadically other people scattered throughout, doing their own thing with the plastic DBs, jump ropes and weight plates stored along the wall for the Boot Camp and Power Pump classes. I grab 3 foam mats, place them along side each other and jam the edge up against the wall. It's the only way to keep the mats from sliding out from under you! I have to adjust some of my Mat Stretch because it's nearly impossible to drop into a split on this memory foam, as the material has too much friction for a glide. The wood floor is too hard. I ease into my positions and get a halfway decent stretch.

In the locker room, a woman has taken the bench and dragged it to the vanity so she can apply her makeup while seated. Which means no one else can use the bench. I don't say anything, put my gear on the floor in front of my locker and use the toilet. Because I always have to pee before I shower! She's still at it, applying foundation and powder and what not when I return. I look at my selfies. I always have a RBF unless I concentrate on smiling. My first impulse is to be snarky to her. But then, I decide that I need to be kinder. I tell her that she's done and doesn't need to do any more because she's already beautiful. She laughs embarrassed and says she's trying to cover her acne scars and points to her throat. She is, actually, a very attractive woman.
"No one can see that!" I tell her. 
It's the truth. She finishes up and puts the bench back. She's smiling and happy, and wishes me a great day. Wow, pretty cool. (I know I've got to get this chip off my shoulder, the one that makes me mean and hard to deal with.) It's hard-wired, ingrained in me, but if I take a moment to breathe, I can change. I've changed this body, I can change other things too.



Push Monday Solo

30 elliptical
Program 1
Calories 244
Miles 2.84

HGPU 20
Push-ups 30
Bird Dogs 2 x 60s
Side Planks 2 x 60s
Elbow Plank 60s
Bicycles 50
Crunches 30/20

Smith Inclined Press
Bar (30lbs) x 15 reps
50 x 12
60 x 12
70 x 12
50 x 25

DB Laterals s/s Seated Bent Over Flyes
15lbs x 12 reps x 3 sets

Rip Skulls
30lbs x 12 reps x 3 sets

Stretch